"we are the ever-living ghost of what once was"

[cinderlily]

Can't sleep. Frustrating, but understandable. I took a pretty late nap today and my body is already a bit wonky so whatever. I'm up staring at the internet. Still absorbing the fact that the Diamondbacks loss and the Doctor Who finale… No spoilers there but um. Eh. I felt pretty underwhelmed by it which bums me out. Except, well. I love Matt Smith. I really do, which is ridiculous because I fought that for a while.

It's OCTOBER, folks. When did that happen? (After September I guess?) I got a text message from my SIL Nicole basically saying, "We're having babies next month, just FYI." Cue a mini panic attack. Am I ready for this? Answer? No. How about I don't think about it at all. Repression, it's funsies.

I've been writing but nothing is coming out in a way that doesn't make me cringe. I have this urge to write angst but it always veers into "jaysus, are you depressed?" territory way too quickly. I think I'm in a funk? Not just a writing funk, but a life funk. It's weird, everything is going swimmingly for the most part but I am just over thinking things and it is definitely bleeding into my everyday life.

TV this season has been pretty hit or miss but I am unreasonably stoked for this weeks Glee. (*twirl*)

Comments

[jupiterlullaby.livejournal.com]

So I don't really have the right to say this, I guess, because I've never been pregnant, but I don't think anyone is ever really ready for a baby. Even after planning a pregnancy and every last detail of the birth and the nursery and everything else. A baby can and will throw a wrench into every plan ever made, just because s/he can. So don't worry about feeling unprepared. I think it would be a bigger and far scarier shock to realize you're not after everything is said and done and there's a baby in your arms instead of knowing it going in. Just take a deep breath and go. You'll be fine.

♥

[cinderlily.livejournal.com]

Aww, just cause you haven't had kids yet doesn't take away your rights to opinions.

And you're right, I think. It's the most frustrating part for me, the fact that I really will have no idea what I don't know until the baby is born, you know? I mean, I can listen to new moms/old moms/books/experts all I want but really? There is nothing like someone handing a new born to you to remind you that you know absolutely nothing. I get that inkling when I am left alone with a young baby at work. I always forget the absolute terror until whoever I'm working for/with leaves the room and then I realize "Holy shit. If I mess this up it's allllll me." That's like this, only this is probably 1/100th of that or so.

I just... keep trying to forget it. And think about everything else, because I have a tendency to over think and then blow things out of proportion. My mom says I am the Queen of perseveration. It's a gift? ;)

Either way, thank you. ♥

[spoiledjap.livejournal.com]

PTBN is the luckiest baby on the planet. Is Nichole pregnant too?

[cinderlily.livejournal.com]

Yup! She's due November 28th (four days after me).